A unique perspective on pegging for cishet women...
If you want to and he wants to.
Just have a read and a think…
Show this to him too.
Pegging involves one person performing anal sex (for our purposes, a cishet woman) with a partner (for our purposes, a cishet man), typically by making use of a strap-on. Note: “cishet” is short for cisgender (and) heterosexual.
Conversations surrounding pegging usually centre the de-stigmatisation of sex acts commonly associated with the LGBTQ+ community and gay men and this is incredibly valid and important. However, this piece is mostly concerned with examining how straight men and straight women engage with each other sexually and how this interaction informs other parts of life and how wider life informs cishet sex.
In a bid to avoid heteronormativity, we want to emphasise that this is an opinion piece by a cishet woman about the experience of navigating the world and sex as a cishet women. It’s not a universal experience and it’s certainly not the only valid experience under the umbrella of “womanhood”.
A great deal of cishet men don’t want to be perceived as gay. We know this, but why is this the case? Here’s one possible argument. Maybe homophobia is, at least in part, rooted in sexism and misogyny. Given a heteronormative understanding of sex and relationships, to be attracted to or sexually/romantically involved with a man is to be feminised. Cishet men don’t want to be feminised because as we know, in this world, particularly in contemporary western societies, to be feminine is to be weak, to be less than, to be “the second sex”. Sex is seen as something men do to women or take from women (as in claiming something), something women give up or something women have the capacity to take (as in withstanding something).
This dynamic is something that a great deal of women internalise as well.
Did anyone watch the episode of Bkchat Ldn (the discussion about pegging and ass-play) in which one of the ladies said something to the tune of “I can’t have my man bent over like one bad bitch” ? Yeah. Let’s unpack that.
Women tend to navigate the world with an understanding (either subconscious or conscious) of how their gender performance will impact their standing with men and the patriarchy. To put it bluntly, being skinny, conventionally attractive and having proximity to whiteness will win you patriarchy cookies and make your life easier in many ways. This means that often, women are taught to derive their value from male validation as a means of survival - whether they are cishet or not. In fact, often, the safety of trans women is heavily tied to how “convincingly” they can “pass” - which is a terrible truth.
The hangover of these conditions is that cishet women often gatekeep their so-called “femininity” because if they allow themselves to adopt a more “masculine” position or role, the relative security they’re afforded by virtue of their identity is compromised.
On the other hand, it’s worth pointing out that as a woman, if you can truly be mistaken as a man, the benefit is that you’re more likely to be left alone from a perspective of sexual harassment. However, we’re examining the implications of gender-bending and blurring of lines rather than going from one side of the (constructed) binary to the other.
Before we get into what pegging may do, let’s talk about what it won’t do. Pegging alone
probably won’t reform anyone’s sexual politics. Pegging won’t make anyone an ally if they’re homophobic or sexist. Let’s not assign a hyperbolic amount of power and significance to isolated sexual acts - even if they are subversive. So what’s the point?
Pegging isn’t about making cishet men uncomfortable, it’s about understanding the power dynamics that come from being in the “active” role as opposed to the “passive” one. It’s about being the one entering another’s body as opposed to being the one who is entered, combined with navigating the world in a body that people typically objectify, associate with submission, incompetence and weakness. It’s about subverting the narrative of women being vessels for men, sexually and otherwise.
The issue of performance in sex and whether it’s a positive or negative thing is a different topic for a different day. The reality is, sex can be a carnal expression of the most intimate and authentic parts of ourselves and it can also be a game with performances and roles. Pegging, in this context, is also about unpacking the way we use sex as a stage to perform our gender. Pegging opens up the opportunity to disrupt the characters we play. We can step outside of them and interrogate what they mean to us, whether they’re good for us and for society at large. We’re able to ask what these performances mean in a context where two or more people are interacting. Pegging can be, in short, a different kind of performance… similar to performing dominance if you’re a sub or vice versa. So maybe pegging, with the accompanying relevant conversations and educational resources, can open up cishet men and women’s minds and facilitate a conversation about the impact that sex can have on gender performances and vice versa.
Also, the point of pegging, as with all sex acts, is fun and pleasure! Even though sex can be political, this is not about doing something that your or your partner don’t want to and will struggle to enjoy, just to make a point. Consent (enthusiastic consent) is the priority, always.
Safe anal sex
Pegging: prep and how-to